Living Dead Lovers by Jonathan Dunne

Author:Jonathan Dunne [Dunne, Jonathan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2014-01-14T22:00:00+00:00

Reader, we devised a plan there and then at the Wok Palace that would make us rich and keep us on the roads in style. Mama devised a clever series of hand signals and gestures worthy of cheating a Las Vegas casino. I presumed that I would be contacting the dead but Mama, being Mama, wanted to be the star of the show and I agreed so I would talk her through it, utilizing a sophisticated game of charades, just like what Mama and Papa had engaged in during their first steps together. What follows is just a sample of the secret hand-signals and gestures that I used to describe our dead clients for Mama, some more noticeable than others:

Female = cup my non-existent mammary glands incorporated into a casual stretch.

Male = cup my non-existent testiculi in similar stretch.

Child = point to me during stretch.

Jewellery = indicate ears, neck, wrist, or nose in case of nose-ring, during a leisurely stretch.

Colours = idly point to a paint sampler catalogue left casually open close by, which we had lifted from B&Q. Again, using a casual, though finely pointed, stretch.

Cause of Death = (Please see previous chapter) This would prove tricky during the stretch sequence.

Mama conjured up an astonishing plethora of secret body-language, imagining every possible scenario. Not only did Mama invent an ingenious and convincing clandestine communication but also devises a pay scale according to how much energy it takes me to conjure up. Finally, after running and re-running our routine, we were in cahoots and ready to take our show on the road. I actually thought that it might bring us a little closer together. But something didn’t feel right during the whole process…

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